Thanksgiving Day to be Repealed and Replaced?

Students at universities across the nation are marching in a movement to repeal Thanksgiving Day and replace it with an alternative called "Thinkguilty Day."

The movement was started by University of California, Berkeley student Ima Weiner, who is president and founding member of the Campus Communist Club of the People (CCCP).

Describing the reasons for the proposed change, Weiner stated, "Thanksgiving is a day created by cishet white men to celebrate their dominance over and oppression of non-cishet non-white non-men. It is an insult that has been tolerated for far too long by the oppressive, capitalist, cishet white male society in which we are forced to live—if we can even call this meager, pathetic, pitiful, deprived existence 'living.' This is something for which cishet white men should feel guilt, not gratitude. Substituting Thanksgiving Day with Thinkguilty Day will force oppressor classes to exchange the giving of thanks for their privilege with the thinking of guilt for their oppressiveness."

Weiner's idea for repealing and replacing Thanksgiving Day came to her when she witnessed Oleg Tatrigayu, a cisgendered heterosexual white man, expressing his thanks to God for being able to enjoy the freedom and prosperity of the United States.

Weiner explained, "I saw this cishet white man oppressing others with his public display of privilege, and realized that rather than giving thanks to the white man's deity for their unjust privilege seized through theft, genocide, and slavery, white people should be wallowing in guilt, regret, and self-loathing for all of the atrocities committed by people who looked like them. To confront and eliminate this sort of oppression, is, after all, the whole reason I founded the CCCP."

Weiner recorded evidence on her phone of the public display of privilege committed by Oleg Tatrigayu, but declined to play it on the grounds that it triggers her.

When asked to respond to Weiner's complaints, Tatrigayu explained that he was a Ukrainian immigrant who fled the Soviet Communist regime, under which his land and possessions had been confiscated, his family and community starved and murdered, and he himself subjected to forced labor in a Soviet gulag before escaping to the United States.

"I have no desire to trigger anyone," said Oleg Tatrigayu. "I'm just happy to be free from the theft, genocide, and slavery my people endured under Communist rule."

In observance of Thinkguilty Day, Weiner suggests that members of oppressor classes (cishets, whites, males, Christians, capitalists, etc.) replace expressions of gratitude with expressions of guilt, football with self-flagellation, and feasting with fasting, and support the Thinkguilty Day movement on social media by tweeting out #GuiltNotGratitude.

The movement to repeal and replace Thanksgiving has begun to amass widespread support among college students, Democrat politicians, and Leftist activists.

Shaun King, a black Caucasian activist who recently dubbed "ungrateful" the new n-word, was among the first to applaud Weiner's proposal on Twitter while adding that "gratitude is the new White Supremacy."

Tatrigayu, meanwhile, has been publicly denounced by University and civil officials, who are demanding he be investigated and tried for hate speech. An anonymous source reports that Tatrigayu has fled California and has been offered political asylum in Russia.